How Much Of A Mess You Are Based On Your Wine Glass Of Choice

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Its 2016, and our phones are for watching TV, our vegetables are for juicing to a pulp, and our desks are for throwing dirty clothes on (right?). So with all that change, it comes to no surprise that wine glasses have been slowly moving out of necessity.

What I mean is, with minimal storage space and even more minimal coupons to a Pier 1 Imports, the various sipping utensils in our kitchen have enrolled in a UCB Improv class. While the end goal is always a perfect glass, or bottle, of wine, how you get there says a lot more about you than you think.

Mason Jar

You just moved a few months ago, and like are in no way going to take a subway to like, Home Goods & try and carry four wine glasses back. Plus, you love how you can write off using one as being hip and young, when in reality youre lazy and want to pour a amount of wine into your glass.

Stemless Wine Glass

Once bitten, twice knocked over an actual wine glass while reaching for another last bite of baked brie. You know what youre worth, and thats not a lot, but hey girl’s gotta eat. The silver lining is that you can also use these glasses very easily for the whiskey ginger you decide to make yourself after you finish the bottle of wine; further proving how not ready for a real wine glass you are.

Travel Mug

You love a fun Snapchat moment, and want everyone to know that theres The only times you ever went to the library in college was just when your WiFi gave out and you had to see who won . Obviously, your trusted travel buddy came along for the ride.

Solo Cup

Youre spiritually, and probably actually, the oldest person at the party. SWUG doesnt even begin to cover it. And while youre definitely over large crowds and guys named Colin shouting the words to Billy Joel, youre definitely still very into making red wine teeth your statement piece of the night. PS, its totally okay to still think Colin is hot, and to make your Tinder radius one mile to see if you match. Youre still human, girl.

Measuring Cup

Fuck Jason, fuck your friends, and most importantly, FUCK A SERVING SIZE. You havent done the dishes in over a week, but you also havent cooked since you moved in, so the measuring cup is perfectly clean and ready for a bottle of good ole Woodbridge to light your fire. Remember not to double tap that Instagram from three years ago, but if you do, just stop for a minute and think that maybe all the times you ironically said everything happens for a reason actually might be true. You will wake up the next morning with cheese in your bed, but dont worry, you definitely ate all the crackers. Calories dont count when youre living your best damn life.

Out of the Bottle

Lady Gaga put it best when she said, baby I was born this way. Youll chug your heart out, dance your heart out, and definitely almost vomit your heart out, but its all okay, because as your other role model, Hannah Montana also told you, nobodys perfect, I gotta work it, again and again til I finish this Pinot, or something like that. Youre too drunk to correct me anyway. And I love you for that.

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